Never a day goes by

I go to an art class on a Thursday evening and have done so for about 10 years, its great fun. The class members come to draw paint and learn but also to enjoy each other’s company and never a day goes by when one of the older members lets slip a cracker, on this occasion we were talking about woman getting their feet whipped and how painful it looked and must be. a few of us had seen it on TV , well one lady in her 70s shouts out, “Theres a name for that, it’s called, fellatio“. Well the whole class including myself just about fell off our chairs. there was this awkward silence and everyone just looked at each other in horror. I had to say something, so I just said “Um I think that might be the wrong word!” What else could you say……… later on I did explain what fellatio ment but wasn’t 100% sure it was understood anyway the following week the correct word was introduced to us all by said same person Bastinado that means to whip feet.

What To Wear To Bed

You are joking! t has come to my attention that some people wear more yo bed than they do during the day …… screaming out loud at this moment.  is it not bad enough that at a certain age we poor woman are pulling and pushing duvet and blankets off of ourselves rather than burrowing under heaps of stuff.  but come on girls, knickers, vests, all tucked in then pyjamas and sox what ever next!

this was made even funnier by the comment that didn’t sleep very well was flushing alright long…. I wonder why. Me well sleep shorts and a tee shirt though out the year even in the winter and a stone cold bedroom. suites me just fine and still the leg and arm hang out but normally a decent sleep is had.

Soap Operas

Ummm I stopped watching East Enders when a baby was stolen out of its cot as it was to distressing . Now that was many years ago and I have never watched it since. Totally weaned off of it so much so can’t stand to even hear the program in the background all the cockney shouting, it sound a like thunder in my head. I suppose it was like giving up smoking, just stop. Tough it out, because there is always the temptation to sneak a peak, go cold turkey and quit the nasty habit of soaps.

So I have done it once, now I find myself in the same position with Emmerdale! Thursday night I was talking to the TV and myself, telling myself what a load of absolute rubbish and unbelievable rubbish that it was. Even worse how far fetched it was becoming. I don’t know if I was more annoyed at the TV or myself. I told myself not to watch it anymore.

Poor Lawrence being set up by that horrid Robert….. nope they have gone to far this time. Whatever next. I didn’t find it entertaining, funny or a good story line. I found it was taking advantage of a vulnerable person . Me not like.

I only started to watch this soap when I was visiting my sisters in Wiltshire as they were hooked on who tried to kill Kane. Well I worked that one out, Zak and I was correct. But then I was hooked ! Now I have to become unhooked.

I was that bothered about it that I asked my class this morning if any of them had seen the episode . Well they were laughing at me as I was taking it all so seriously. They were saying it’s only a TV program and one man in the class was in stitches when I tried to explain what went on. I sort of had to put in to very polite wording and not at all rude. And that made it sound even funnier. It gave my class a good laugh and I got it off my chest.

Strange how some things really bother me…. didn’t watch it tonight so that’s a good start. I am very determined. I wonder if I will have to dump Coronation Street next then I will be soap free……

So I Have Decided

So I have decided that dieting is stupid and not for me. I am a secret Mars bar eater and I don’t weigh myself far too depressing and life’s to short. This morning I had a light bulb moment and it dawned on me that if I can’t see my pubic hair without breathing in then there’s a problem. That’s my diet indicator. Works for me.

Another thing that really gets to me is my hair. Talk about bed head, I’ve got it, full on bed head. If it’s not cut and thinned on the top it looks like I’ve got a tepee on my head or I look like Tintin. Not a great look. Apparently people pay hundreds of pounds to have my hair style. I got a bit fed up being told that my hair won’t do as it’s told by my hairdresser, it can’t be that untameable!

The other day I dyed my hair brown, done this before loads of times but this time when I took the towel off my hair was jet black. I screamed and put the towel back on my head. Couldn’t bear to look at it. It was so awful that I hunted a product that would strip all the colour out. It cost a tenner, took an hour but it was the best tenner ever spent and although at the time it seemed to be the longest hour of my life it was well worth it. Now I am back to my natural colour dark brown, phew nightmare.

But I suppose most woman do this sort of thing, I guess we never stop learning by doing stupid things whatever age we are.

Eat More Vegetables

Yesterday I went to see my lovely spiritualist lady who gave me a reading. Now I know some of you out there think what a load of cobblers, tosh , rubbish, total nonsense but don’t mock it as we are all individuals and all have our own quirks and that’s what makes life interesting.

Well, apparently I am neglecting my in take of vegetables. And to honest it’s true, been a bit lazy during the summer where food prep is concerned and not bothered to much. I had been really enjoying a Mediterranean diet loads of fish and veggies, so must try harder.

Now today I decided to cook a vegetable curry, sounds great. But then I thought put some chicken in it? Yep sounds like a plan. Open freezer pull out chicken breast, leave to defrost and yum yum in my tum later on.

Preparing vegetables is very tedious and I find I nibble my way through the operation. Job done all in the pot cooking away, now for the chicken. Ready to prep… go to refrigerator remove the dish and open it up……. only to find the dogs smoked haddock looking at me. How stupid can I be! Never had curried smoked haddock before, wasn’t about to try it.

Yes You guessed it I ended up with a vegetable curry which even if I say so myself was really delicious, and my lovely dogs enjoyed their smoked haddock for their tea. Moral of the story…..label your freezer bags next time.

What every next!

Today 16/9/2017 I heard a phrase that I had never heard before. Now we know that people young and old want to be known as different gender and a lot of young people feel the need to experience and experiment different things but being “gender fluid” I don’t believe it! This is when you dress feminine one day and more masculine the next.  Now I am and have always been a tomboy, as a young girl I climbed trees, built camps, hid in water tanks on a farm and spent harvest in a tractor cab or grain trailer and then in 1977 went to work on the farm and it was an arable farm, so I drove tractors and I then progressed to lorries. I dressed everyday in a masculine way! But never once did I feel male. My hair was short and I wasn’t fond of a dress but I wasn’t gender fluid. To this day I wear beautifully tailored waistcoats and brogue shoes and very little makeup but I am female and happy to be that. I found the expression very unsettling and it’s definition even more. I said to my husband ” what does that make me? ” however I do now wear a skirt and dress on occasion. It really does bother me that in today’s world everything we do or we are has to have a label. Why? Life was so much simpler when I was a child. A harder life financially but regarding pier pressure and all this social media tosh far much easier. I am not connected to my mobile phone, don’t even know the number. Not over technically savvy but I am glad I am the age I am.

Today’s topic ….Do you have to be baptised to be married in church? And is it a good thing to view a deceased relative?

Two very different things came up today both of which I have done. I was married in the Church of England and as far as I know I had to be baptised to be able to do this. However this opened a conversation about other faiths which I could not answer as I have none or very little knowledge of.  I assumed ( which is wrong ) that in the eyes of the church one would have to be apart of the house of Christ but then is the church not supposed to be open to all. Very difficult one.

And seeing someone in a chapel of rest…. I was 22 and it was my mother. Some people I know need to do this and it gives comfort but I feel it should be up to the individual to decide as it can be a traumatic experience and stay with you for life. I remember my father telling me that my mum looked beautiful and my aunt telling me to kiss my mother and I would forget. Well all I can say is don’t listen to anyone but yourself and if you don’t want to go and view don’t. It’s not for everyone. I found it very upsetting and I couldn’t touch my mother let alone kiss her. And I will never forget. Go with your gut and not with what other people want you to do, you are in control. 

Road Works…….

This is my very first ramble, for anyone who cares to read it. It’s going to be as tall as nonsensical rubbish as I am wide and as oddly mad as my hair is according to my hairdresser. So let’s see where it takes us.
This might sound ridiculous but I just can’t get my head around why a company would DIG up a road causing absolute chaos in a village (with a main road running through it)to put a pipe in, then re dig less than a month later BECAUSE they used the WRONG size pipe. What a waste of money, time and resources. Who was the numpty  in the company who ordered the pipe! Did they mix up their centimetres with inches? So not only one set of traffic lights but two within 100 yards yes yards not metres!

Today is 12/9/2017 Dentist check up! Oh what could possibly go wrong at 8am in the morning….an X-ray to see if my little apersectomy was successful on my front tooth. No no no it’s still got an abscess! I don’t believe it. I paid £167 to get that tooth fixed and the fanny dentist snapped my other crown whilst trying to fix this one and what’s even worse I knew he was going to do it because of the pressure he put on my gum and jew. I couldn’t tell him as he had his fist in my mouth. 

So know would you believe it I have to go to the hospital so a tooth surgeon can pull my face about and make me look like I have done five rounds with Mike Tyson. My nose disappeares and I can assure you my nose isn’t small, my younger sister called me witchie poo when we were kids, I did try and kill her a couple of times but that’s another story.